The Way I See It: Fun Friday!

Between Hurricanes, Terrorist Bombings in London and the Usual Political Fighting, it is time for a little fun!

A friend of mine asked me what to do about her Issues with the "Tree Bank".

I said "That is Simple! Ask to speak with the Branch Manager".

Remember if you fell like your life is falling apart there are Two Words should Remember.

" Duct Tape "

Speaking of "Ducks", did I ever tell you about the time I went Duck Hunting in Texas?

It was near the end of the day and I had a bag with six ducks I had shot. As I headed for my car I was stopped by a Texas Game Warden who asked to see my Duck Hunting License.

I removed it from my wallet and showed him at which time he took a duck out of my bag, licked his middle finger, and stuck it as far as he could up the duck's ass. He then looked at me and in his best Texas draw said "Son, this here be a Florida Duck! Do you have a Florida License?" I said "Yes Sir" and I showed him my Florida License. He then took ANOTHER Duck out of the bag, Licked His Middle Finger and stuck it up as far as he could up the Duck's Ass!

He then said to me "Son, this here is a Georgia Duck! Do you have a Georgia License?" Once again I said to him "Yes sir I do" and pulled it out of my wallet and show it to him. He then looked at me with that Game Warden Evil Eye and said, "Son, just where the Hell are you from?" At that point I dropped my pants and bent over and said

"Why don't you tell me!" It took me two days to make bail!

When I was single I would always try and come up with Clever Pick-Up lines. One of my favorite lines when I was at a bar with a house bands was
"If I was a drum....

I would let you bang Me All Night!"
It was Clever but not always very successful!

I have a Question? "If Love Is Grand'?

"What is Divorce?"

A Hundred Grand?

Someone asked me yesterday "What is the difference between a wife at Wal-Mart and a Girlfriend?"
Easy Question!

"About 50 pounds!"

I am NOT a Dog Hater but I am tired of seeing all these people with their "Comfort Dogs".
They are EVERYWHERE! The Casinos here in Las Vegas, on Airplanes and just the other day as lady brought her "Comfort Dog" into the Doctor's Office! I asked the lady if she had the "Paperwork that Proved it was a Comfort Dog?" She had conveniently left it at home. LIAR!

Did you ever meet someone who is not very bright and you just wanted to say to them

"100,000 Sperm and YOU were the fastest?"

Someone once told me that
"A Clear Conscience is a sign of a Bad Memory!"

Steven King's Pennywise The Clown continues to dominate the box office in the Mega Hit "It"

Which goes to show just how much American's Hate Clowns!

Some Clowns just don't get it????

The Idiot that runs North Korea, Kim Jung Un, has said he plans to "Bomb the United States to ashes" .

I am thinking he should go after the guy who cuts his hair first?

Have you heard with every purchase of Hillary's new book

you get a KFC Coupon?

I have not bought my copy yet, I am waiting a couple weeks for it to be sold at The Dollar Store.

It is sad to see ANYONE take their own life. I was genuinely shocked to see that Rosie O'Donnell's Ex-Wife, Michelle Rounds, committed Suicide this week.

There are HUNDREDS of Jokes I could make, but this is not something which calls for jokes.

I was invited to another friend's wedding who is getting married on a nude beach.

I have been to a couple of Nude Weddings before and they all have One Thing in common.
It is easy to tell who the Best Man is and he is Not Always the Guy Standing Next To The Groom!
Unfortunately, I cannot attend this wedding as it is in Florida and I just can't handle a Five and A Half hour plane ride anymore.

Here are a few signs which I hope bring a smile to your face.