I decided that Enough Politics! So I decided to sit down and send a few laughs.
I do not understand why the "COPD Commercial" now had it's Third set of actors doing the Exact Same Commercial?
"Watch Out Piggy!"
Speaking of Commercials, have you seen the New Col Sanders?
Any Idea who this is? I'll tell you later in the blog. You will be SHOCKED!
I have decided that we Never really Grow Up!
And I still don't know how to act.
Not to say I Don't Like Kids
If this were only a Real Kid in a Real Trap!
Like the old saying goes, "The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese!"
So I ran into what I thought was an "Old Friend" in a Nightclub Friday night and
I spoke Not Once but TWICE to her and she "Totally Ignored Me". I guess I know where I stand? I was Very Hurt! Oh Well, Scratch that Friend.
I was thinking, is there any reason that you are given a Middle Name except to know when you are in Trouble?
I always knew as a kid when my Mom yelled "Daniel Leo, come here right now" , that I was in Deep Trouble!
Some things I just do not understand?
Like why do we just chose TWO People to Run For President and Fifty to compete for Miss America?
Here is some Good Advice,
Never get into a bar brawl with an Ugly Person. They have Nothing To Lose!
I keep seeing ads on television to "Get A Free Dark Web Scan".
I went to the site and they offered a "Full Deep Scan" for $29.95, so I bought it. Turned out it was the SAME as the Free Scan
Except you were told to "Turn Out The Lights For A Real Dark Web Scan". That was $29.95 Wasted!
Speaking of "Wasting Money", it is that time of the year when Casinos make your "Win/Loss Statements" available.
Living in Las Vegas, I get Statements from the Five Casinos I frequent. After adding them all up my total Loss verses Wins in 2017 came to a Negative $4.00. I guess I should be thrilled!
The Voices In My Head may not be real
But they sure have a Lot To Say!
Have your figured out who this is yet?
It's Country Music Great, Reba McEntire!
I'm sorry but I miss the Original Colonel Sanders
Seems KFC wants to make a Cartoon Caricature out of him. Sad!
I have always wondered
Do Crowded Elevators SMELL DIFFERENT to Midgets?
So I bought one of those "Grabber" things
Three Broken Jars later I am not sure if it just does not work or it is Operator Error? I am tired of cleaning up the mess so tonight it went into the trash!
Every time I see this it makes me laugh!
Do you know what you have when you have Two Little Green Balls in The Palm of Your Hand?
Kermit's Undivided Attention!
I have a good friend who recently had a Massive Heart Attack and was "Clinically Dead" for over Thirty Minutes. He told me while he was "Dead" he actually "Saw the light and met God".
He said God told him that he could ask him "One Question before I send you back to be with your family." My friend said he thought for a minute and asked "So why do you make Beautiful Women so dumb?" Before he returned to the living he said God answered, "So they will Love men like you!"
I thought about this and what I would have asked and decided
I would have asked "Who is going to win the fifth race at Belmont!" And interesting enough, see the name of the horse that won?
Politics these days are driving me CRAZY! The Liberals seem to try to blame EVERYTHING on the Republicans. What I heard a Democratic Senator say today tops everything I have ever heard. He blamed "The Wright Brothers"
For 9-11! He said, "After all they invented the airplane and without planes the Twin Towers would still be standing!"
I got so tired of people telling me "You need more exercise" . So I got a dog and named it "Six Miles".
Now when people give me crap about not exercising, I tell them "I walk Six Miles Every Single Day!". Am I lying? LOL!
Someone told me today at the Dog Park that "Women are a lot like Dog Poop. The Older they are, the easier they are to Pick Up!"
Needless to say, he was Single!
Ain't That The Truth!
I was thinking that it must suck to work in a Hospital.
It's not like you can call in sick! I can hear that call now, "I can't come into work today because I'm sick!" I can hear the boss say, "That's OK, come on in and we'll check you out!". ( DAMN! )
My friend Bill told me the other day that he is "Single by Choice!"
Too bad it wasn't it choice!
A new theory by a Medical University in Chicago says that General Robert E Lee may have died from an infection in his Ear Lobe!
Did he get his ear pierced and it got infected? Who Knew?
I was watching Court TV today and a man was before the judge for having "Sex with a Prostitute who was Not Willing!"
His Weasel Lawyer tried to argue "If you have sex with a prostitute who is not willing, is that Rape or Shoplifting"?
The judge gave the man Ten Years!
My Grandfather, who is always good for a laugh, told me he saw a sign in the Men's Room that made him "Poop His Pants"!
Oh my!
And finally, one of my Liberal Friends asked me a question which really got me thing. He asked
"If you could Have World Peace of be as Rich as Bill Gates, which would you chose?"
I was a bit taken aback by the question but after thinking for about Ten Seconds I replied
"I want my Lamborghini in red"!
Have A Great Weekend!
