Fun Friday!

Between Hurricanes, Terrorist Bombings in London and the Usual Political Fighting, it is time for a little fun!

A friend of mine asked me what to do about her Issues with the  "Tree Bank".

I said "That is Simple!  Ask to speak with the Branch Manager".

Remember if you fell like your life is falling apart there are Two Words should Remember.

" Duct Tape "

Speaking of "Ducks", did I ever tell you about the time I went Duck Hunting in Texas?

It was near the end of the day and I had a bag with six ducks I had shot.  As I headed for my car I was stopped by a Texas Game Warden who asked to see my Duck Hunting License.

I removed it from my wallet and showed him at which time he took a duck out of my bag, licked his middle finger, and stuck it as far as he could up the duck's ass.  He then looked at me and in his best Texas draw said "Son, this here be a Florida Duck!  Do you have a Florida License?"  I said "Yes Sir" and I showed him my Florida License.   He then took ANOTHER Duck out of the bag, Licked His Middle Finger and stuck it up as far as he could up the Duck's Ass!

He then said to me "Son, this here is a Georgia Duck!  Do you have a Georgia License?"  Once again I said to him "Yes sir I do" and pulled it out of my wallet and show it to him.  He then looked at me with that Game Warden Evil Eye and said, "Son, just where the Hell are you from?"  At that point I dropped my pants and bent over and said

"Why don't you tell me!"   It took me two days to make bail!

When I was single I would always try and come up with Clever Pick-Up lines.  One of my favorite lines when I was at a bar with a house bands was
"If I was a drum....

I would let you bang Me All Night!"
It was Clever but not always very successful!

I have a Question? "If Love Is Grand'?

"What is Divorce?"

A Hundred Grand?

Someone asked me yesterday "What is the difference between a wife at Wal-Mart and a Girlfriend?"
Easy Question!

"About 50 pounds!"

I am NOT a Dog Hater but I am tired of seeing all these people with their "Comfort Dogs".
They are EVERYWHERE!  The Casinos here in Las Vegas, on Airplanes and just the other day  as lady brought her "Comfort Dog" into the Doctor's Office!   I asked the lady if she had the "Paperwork that Proved it was a Comfort Dog?"  She had conveniently left it at home.   LIAR!

Did you ever meet someone who is not very bright and you just wanted to say to them

"100,000 Sperm and YOU were the fastest?"

Someone once told me that
"A Clear Conscience is a sign of a Bad Memory!"

Steven King's Pennywise The Clown continues to dominate the box office in the Mega Hit "It"

Which goes to show just how much American's Hate Clowns!

Some Clowns just don't get it????

The Idiot that runs North Korea, Kim Jung Un, has said he plans to "Bomb the United States to ashes" .

I am thinking he should go after the guy who cuts his hair first?

Have you heard with every purchase of Hillary's new book

 you get a KFC Coupon?

I have not bought my copy yet, I am waiting a couple weeks for it to be sold at The Dollar Store.

It is sad to see ANYONE take their own life.  I was genuinely shocked to see that Rosie O'Donnell's Ex-Wife, Michelle Rounds, committed Suicide this week.

There are HUNDREDS of Jokes I could make, but this is not something which calls for jokes.

I was invited to another friend's wedding who is getting married on a nude beach.

I have been to a couple of Nude Weddings before and they all have One Thing in common.
It is easy to tell who the Best Man is and he is Not Always the Guy Standing Next To The Groom!
Unfortunately, I cannot attend this wedding as it is in Florida and I just can't handle a Five and A Half hour plane ride anymore.

Here are a few signs which I hope bring a smile to your face.

This sign says it all!

I wonder if ANYONE actually Read this sign before posting?

Have A Great Weekend!

I always Welcome Your Feedback

e-mail
its.dan.bledsoe@gmail.com

twitter
@itsdano

Tough Week In News

It has been a tough week in the news. Between Hurricane Irma worries and continued worries in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey it was nice the media focused on American lives and not political issues.

When it comes to the Hurricane aftermath

All Looters should be SHOT ON SITE!  No Warning!  I don't care if it is a TV or a Pair of Jordan's, SHOOT THEM ON SITE!   I think if that was done a few times, it would Stop!


One thing that does continue to trouble me is the continued comments against our President by the Catholic church.

Once again the Pope put his two cents in on the topic of DACA and Global Warming and what he sees as the Failing of our President.  Correct me if I am wrong, but if the President tried to tell the Catholic Church how to act on Abortions or Pedophile Priests, the church would SCREAM AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!

And I wonder if the DEA were to go into any Catholic Church in any Major City, how many Illegals do you think they would find.  Seems to me the Catholic Church has a Vested Financial Interest in Illegal Aliens.

As I get older, I find this to be so true.

How many of these ten can you relate?


I have seen where CNN Anchor Don Lemon has been getting praise for telling an overweight Hurricane Reporter "Its OK to have a few curves"

Now you know if a Fox News Anchor would have made that Same Remark, they would have been BLASTED for "Fat Shaming".  You know what I say is true!  The So-Called "Main Stream Media" has become so Anti Society.

That brings me to a sad local note on Channel 8 here in Las Vegas.  After about a year, Traffic Anchor Demetria Obilor announced her leaving.

The Kansas City native has provided Outstanding Coverage of the Las Vegas traffic during a Major Overhaul of our roads.  While the "Haters" of the world have criticized everything from her Body Image to her Hair, through it all she has always remained Positive and Upbeat in doing an outstanding job.  She is moving on to one of the Top Jobs in the country.  I wish her well in her new endeavor.


 Will Hillary Clinton just Go Away?

As many Democratic Leaders as others are asking that question.  She is out on the book tour, Charged For Her Signature (like she needs the money), Blaming Everyone but the person in the mirror for her loss.   I am not 100% sure if Hillary read this blog but if you are reading it Hillary, YOU LOST!


After Fourteen Seasons on The History Channel, Las Vegas Pawn Shop,  "Pawn Stars" is still one of the most popular shows on the network.

Between Three and Five Thousand people visit the shop daily from all over the world.

A couple years ago my Wife Sharon and I were given a "Behind The Scenes" tour of the shop where we were introduced to "Pawn Stars" Chumlee and Richard Harrison, better known to viewers as "The Old Man".

The "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" is always listed as one of the Top Three "Places To Visit In Las Vegas".  You are always going to see things which you have Never seen before, and who knows, you might catch a glimpse of the guys.  And be sure and go next door to visit

Chumlee's Candy Store!  Everything Sweet will be found down every isle!   Set aside a couple hours on your next visit to visit The Pawn Plaza to see  "Pawn Stars"  And "Chumlee's Candy On The Blvd".

I highly recommend it.  Plus it doesn't cost anything to look!

I try to remain "Open Minded" when it comes to Everything.

But I have a "Facebook Friend", who I Respect and Consider an Intelligent Person, But now I think maybe she has lived in the desert too long?  She now is the Most Adamant Conspiracy Theorist in America.  And the sad thing, She Is Not Alone In Her Thinking!

A Few Things She 100% Believes is
*   The Twin Towers was an American Attack and planned by the
    United States Government!
*   Hurricane Harvey & Irma were BOTH "Created & Controlled" by
    a Secret Air Force Satellite Facility in Colorado.
*   There is a Secret Military Organization Funded By The
    Government which funds BOTH SIDES of all protests to Create
    Riots such as Charlottesville!

And she SERIOUSLY BELIEVES IT!  And so do others.


My "Favorite" Dumbass Story this week was all the so called "Experts" who were given Air Time on Can, MSNBC and The Wall Street Journal just to name a few, to talk about Global Warning.

A couple of these "Experts" even went so far as to blame President Trump's getting out of the Paris Global Warming Pact for Both Hurricane Harvey and Irma!  (And I thought the Air Force Satellite was responsible) Did they not know it was Hurricane Season?

And Apple today announced the prices for the New IPhone 8!

$699 to $799 with "More Expensive" phones on the horizon.  I think I will keep my Flip Phone.  lol

And I leave you with this

I always Welcome your Feedback

e-mail
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@itsdano

A Few Thoughs

I had a Few Thoughts that I wanted to get off my chest but First here are my NFL Picks for Week One

I already picked one of the Toughest Games of The Year with Kansas City over New England.  Here is my Round Robin Bet Slip to verify my bet.

Which brings me to my other picks

I Like

The Bears Over Atlanta in Chicago
The Raiders over Tennessee in Tennessee.

I always bet the Money Line ( Straight Up ) and in the case of a "Round Robin Bet",  Two of Three Teams pay.  And I already have one in the bag with Kansas City!

As A Bonus Pick I Like

The Colts Over LA Rams in Los Angeles



Now to a few things on my mind!  Starting with
Rush Limbaugh

I have always found Rush entertaining but Way Over The Top!  I had a friend who passed away a few years ago who was a childhood friend of Rush and actually met Rush one time when I lived in West Palm Beach.  Just like Radio Shock Jock, much of what Rush does on the air is just his way of being "Outrageous".  But when I heard Rush get on the air and say Hurricane Irma was part of a "Liberal Conspiracy", I was just DUMBFOUNDED!

It was one Step above some of the Liberal Idiots I hear on CNN who say the "Hurricane is God getting back at America for electing Donald Trump!"

Or the ones who blame "Hurricane Irma on President Trump for backing out of the Paris Climate Accord."  Really?  Really?  That would be like Thanking Hillary Clinton or President Obama for the sun rising today!

How can some of these people go on National Television and make such remarks with a Straight Face?

I even heard one Minister on CNN say that Hurricane Irma was "God's way of destroying Key West, Florida."

He said Key West had become "America's Gomorrah" with a high percentage of " Homosexuals and Promiscuous Free Sex Couples who look forward to the annual Fantasy Fest where people walk down the street naked."     It is one of my Favorite Events!  I have some good friends who live in Key West who always paint their bodies up and walk down the street naked.  I had planned on going a few years back until I had medical issues which put me in the hospital.  Maybe it was God's way of Punishing me for wanting to see all those Naked People?  LOL

Speaking of Naked People, I was talking to a guy at the mall who told me he had a "Naked photo of every woman he had ever been with."

I said "What!  And they let you take the pictures?"  He went on to tell me "Yes, I tell them that is part of sleeping with me!"  Not that I would not want a Naked Picture of the women I have slept with, ( feel free to send me, even if I have not slept with you, lol )  but this guy made it sound like it was a "Privilege to sleep with him!"  Talk about EGO RUN A MUCK!  He should be a politician!

Country Music Superstar Don Williams passed today.

I met Don Williams a couple of times and always found him to be a "Soft Spoken Gentle Man" who was appreciative of his success.  I don't ever remember seeing him without a Cigarette in one hand and a Cup of Coffee in the other.  He died of emphysema at age 78.


How has "The View" stayed on the air for Twenty (20) Years?

When I watch television I want to be Entertained!  I do not want to hear sixty minutes of continuous Liberal Hate Spew. When Barbara Walters hosted, the show was more Entertainment than opinion.  These days I would rather watch senseless Game Shows then be BATTERED with Hollywood's Liberal Hate.

Speaking of Television, why do companies feel like they must hire people from Other Countries to be "Customer Service Representatives"?

I called Direct TV today and spent FIVE F'N MINUTES explaining to "Kevin" ( someone who was in India or Somewhere Else ) That "Dan" was short for "Daniel" which was the name on my bill.  Kevin asked me "Is Dan a nickname?  Or is it just some name you chose to be called?"  NO, IT IS SHORT FOR DANIEL!   "Who is Daniel?  Is he there?"  I said "Yes, it me".  He then said "I thought you told me your name was Dan?  Who is Daniel to you?"  If not for the Sports which Direct TV offers, I would have ripped my boxes right out of the wall!  What has happened to this country?  Donald, Please Help!

There was another Tragedy in Country Music today.  Try Gentry, of the duo Montgomery Gentry, died in a helicopter crash.

I had just seen the Superstar Duo a few months ago and this is a Major Loss to the Music World.  Gentry was fifty years old and no cause of the crash was given.

A friend of mine said to me this week, "You sure do attend a lot of concerts."  And actually, I do.

Living in Las Vegas there is ALWAYS something to do or someone to see!  On any given day there are over Two Hundred (200) Production Shows, Concerts or House bands to enjoy.  This includes over Fifteen (15)  Magicians who perform every day, and I love Magicians!  When I was about ten years old my Father took me to see the Legendary Harry Blackstone Sr.  Here was an artist in his Seventies who still enjoyed playing, even in small theaters, mystifying all ages with his craft.   I would become friends with an Internationally Touring Magician while working in Denver who now also lives here in Vegas and we try to get together for dinner once a month as our schedules permit.  While my Wife Sharon tired of magicians, I still find excitement of watching them smoothly display their craft to audiences.  In addition to Magicians, I try to see at least one Las Vegas Production Show, such as The Beatles Love, and several concerts a month.  Thankfully, I have a ticket source which gets me into most shows free. Always a good price!  This weekend I am going to see an up and coming Comedian as well as Melissa Etheridge.

Is it Just Me or is "In and Out Burger" overrated?

There is always a line at the Drive-Thru but personally I would rather eat a Wendy's Single with cheese!


This is still one of my Favorite Books!

I hope they never dig up the backyard of the house where I grew up!

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and see one of those Infomercials and wonder, "I wonder if that works?"

I think I have only worn sock twice in the past ten years so I don't think it's work the $19.95 to find out.

A road I always avoid!

My thoughts and prayers are with all my Friends and Family in Florida.

Unless of course I am in your will and then I suggest that you go Swimming or Fishing.  lol


I always welcome your e-mail at
its.dan.bledsoe@gmail.com

Twitter
@itsdano